Balance of Self and Others 

We are making a big move in topics from “self” to “others.” We do not live in a silo. We do not live alone. We live with others and one of the best models that I ever learned was this model of attunement and differentiation. That’s what today’s episode is going to be all about. Today, I want you to listen in as I explain this model and tool. 

First, I want you to imagine an infinity symbol. This is not a line for a reason because you’re not one or the other, you’re kind of going back and forth. You’re floating, if you will, to one side or the other and at times landing in the middle, between differentiation and attunement. 

Let’s start with differentiation. This is what we’ve been kind of digging into so far, figuring out who are you in this world. Being unapologetically who you are, right All the things I love to talk about to help you figure out who the hell you are in this world.  

On the other side of the infinity symbol from differentiation is attunement, which means “others.” How we attune to others. And again, I want to be very clear that this is an infinity symbol, not a line. You will go back and forth along this path between differentiation and attunement. If it was just a line, you could stay over there forever and that’s how people lose themselves. They lose themselves in their children’s lives. They lose themselves in the relationship. They lose themselves in their work and they forget to dip back over onto the other side.  

Everyone wants to be heard. And if we start to hear someone, we can begin to see them for who they are, or they can hear us and see us for who we are. And that all leads to love. When people start to be heard and seen for who they really are, then the last thing is the most powerful. And this is all about attunement and being loved, loving others and being loved. 

Don’t we do that all the time, right? “Love me for who I am.” Yet we go through this world trying to change other people. We try to make them who we want them to be or why aren’t you doing this my way? Instead of getting curious? HSL: All I want in life is to be Heard, Seen and Loved. And I think that’s what everybody wants in our life. 

This description just scratches the surface, I hope you can listen because if you need to hear this, you need to hear this. Thank you again, I appreciate your time to be here! 

Jessica has a new online Love course coming soon for Couples featuring all her best tools to reinvigorate your relationship after a long winter. Get on the waitlist for more info here: